Stupid Body

Just when you think something is going to work out, something else comes along to make you think otherwise. I seemed to be doing fine on the Clomid, no side effects or anything like that. Went in for a blood test and was told that my hormone levels were perfect and I was getting booked in for my FET on Tuesday (tomorrow) then Thursday last week I start spotting. Right away I was on the phone to the clinic. I knew this wasn't supposed to be happening. So I went in for another blood test on Friday and then again on Saturday together with a scan. Apparently my lining is fine, they like to see a 7 and mine was a 10. I also have a follicle on each ovary, hmmm multiple pregnancy maybe?

So now I am booked in for Saturday. We only have 2 embies so fingers crossed they work.

Trying for #2

So i guess you could say we have been officially trying since December. I mean i was still breastfeeding but for some reason i let what everyone said get into my head "You know your body changes after you have a baby, everything might go back to normal and you could fall pregnant naturally." What i should have said was "You know what, you should really shut up. You know nothing about my body and the crap it has put me through trying to get pregnant so the likely hood of it just magically deciding 'hey i might just be normal now' is a load of rubbish." We tried nearly 2 years to get pregnant naturally and it didnt happen, what the hell does that tell you???? God right now i want to kick them all in the head.

So back on track- we went to see the specialist to talk about doing the EFT. Another kick in the head, we couldnt try untill i had stopped breastfeeding. I am sorry, is the fact i cant get pregnant naturally not enough that i have to give up the one thing i have actually been able to do well before i can have another baby. Um Hello not fair. Any way i came to terms with that and took a month to wean Levi off the boob.

So now i am taking Clomid 100g for 5 days and going for a blood test on Wednesday to see how my hormone levels are. I guess we go from there.

Expanding your family

For some such a thing is so easy it just happens by accident or as soon as they decide they want it to happen. But for others it is not easy at all. It takes a massive toll on your mental health and your hip pocket. I don't even want to think about how much we spent on the 3 IVF cycles it took to fall pregnant with Levi and yet here we are again.

We don't have the free money to do another full IVF cycle but thankfully we have 2 frozen little embryos. Basically what that means is we only have 2 more chances of having another baby. Those odds really don't seem all that fair do they? On one hand you think, well they came from the same cycle that we fell pregnant with Levi so they have to work. Right? Think about it though we got 6 eggs from that cycle not all of them were fertilised and from what were, we ended up with 3. The best one became out little Levi and the other 2 were frozen. So yeah those 2 eggs may have been fine with they got frozen but that's doesn't mean they are going to survive the stress of the thaw.

Its funny, we went into the whole IVF thing at the start thinking it has to work doesn't it, everything is being done for us. The Eggs get fertilised and start dividing into what should be a baby so of course we will get pregnant. Doesn't work like that. So now i find my self thinking the same thing. These eggs are just like Levi's was so of course i will get pregnant. STOP the crazy thinking, don't get your hopes to high up in the clouds, because you know there is a 50% chance you will come crashing down.

I guess only time will tell.

Yay for holidays

Greg and i haven't been away since our anniversary last year. Tonight we are leaving for Darwin. Our first family holiday. I cant wait. Not to sure how Levi is going to go on the plane but i am hoping he will sleep and be okay with his ears. It is going to be a long 48 hours since we don't leave Adelaide until 10.15pm and wont land in Darwin until 2am, that is going to be fun.

I cant wait for warm weather and sun shine. We will be doing alot of swimming in the pool and Greg is going on a fishing charter on Wednesday that i am sure he is excited about. Oh and the whole reason we are going up there is for Jodie & Adam's wedding. Cant wait for that.

Will come back will lots of pictures.

5 months

I cant believe it, my little boy is 5 months old already. Where in the world has the time gone. The worst thing i keep thinking is that he is gonna be 6 months old next month. The poor little thing isn't feeling well either. I am pretty sure he has my sore throat which i can tell you is not a nice thing. I have been dosing him up on panadol to make him feel better and it seems to be working.

I got no sleep last night. He would wake up and i would attend to him and then be stuck awake for ages thinking he is just going to wake up soon so what is the point. Of course Greg slept through the whole thing. He got up once and gave him his dummy and that was only because he was going to the toilet any way. Grrr men. Greg is home all day today because he doesn't have a job and he couldn't even get out of bed and take Levi out of the room so i could have a little longer to actually get some sleep. Once again Grrrr Men.

Poem

I was looking through an old writing book i have the other day. I came across a poem i wrote when we were TTC. I am a very big poem writer and often use it to express how i am feeling. I have so many poems written everywhere. Its interesting to look back on the feelings that i was having at that time and see how my life is so different now that we finally have our little baby with us. Here is the poem that i found.

The heart bleeds, the heart cries
You feel like your empty inside
Every moment you make a simple wish
Just once will it come true

As each day passes a little hope dies
Why can’t I hide from everything inside
In the distance you see a glimpse of hope
As time flies by it all fades to dust

Only time will tell, when the dream is sold
Filling books with my tears and words
It’s all the same stuff
My journey, my hurts

The life that I have lived
The years that have passed

It’s only a short time the heart can last.

Time is too fast

I cant believe how quickly everything is going. Levi is growing so fast i cant keep up. I look back at his little baby pictures and he was so small, and now he is a little chubba. I love his chubby little cheeks and his massive gummy smile.

People keep asking me if motherhood is what i expected, my answer "Its the best thing in the world and much more than i expected." How could you even imagine that you would love something so small more than anything in the entire world. More than life itself. I think Levi's face is going to worn out from all the kisses he keeps getting from me, i mean you can just kiss those cheeks once. Come on.